May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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