So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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