Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize