i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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