I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
