You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
