Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She's the barista slut.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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