My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Randomize
