I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
