batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
