Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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