we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
