i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
