As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
