Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
