is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize