Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
