Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
