did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
