i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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