Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
