Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
