1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
