I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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