she looked like the bat from fern gully.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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