This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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