if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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