Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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