Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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