Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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