I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
