I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
