i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize