Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
