Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
