I cockslap morals
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
