i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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