her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
