my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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