i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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