i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
