break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
