dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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