So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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