whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
