Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
