maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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