I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
These tits shall not be calmed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
