Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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