So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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