mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
