once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize