my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize
