It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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