I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
