My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
