I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
