if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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