so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
