direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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