"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
