Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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