walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
