It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
