just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
