I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How external is "for external use only"?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My bed smells like the plague
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