i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
