I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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