do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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