Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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