did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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