I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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