wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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