Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
