I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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