My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
